Becoming Lighter

Things that define me. I hate being miserable. "Do Hard Things"? Hell no. My thing is indulgence. I want to taste what my first world, upper-middle-class, WASP heritage offers me. I ate well.

The next thing I hate is commitment. Choose a path and stick to it. Worse, choose a path likely to require doing hard things. That's just stupid. So my longest career was cab driving because it offered fast money and didn't ask much of my determination. Or so I thought.

Last, it took a while to forgive myself. My generational good fortune was wasted on self-loathing. According to me, it was (is?) my fault. If I coulda/woulda/shoulda lived out my father's more perfect vision of my life I'd be more popular and successful. "Jesus loves me this I know . . ." Shut up.

Embrace the Dawn

We are not made of stone. Our destiny is not fixed. I live in a culture that refutes the notion that ancestry is destiny. We can change. It takes being miserable, staying committed and forgiving ourselves. The shadows of our past can't overcome the light we want to become.

One more thing that defined me for many years. I was angry. As much as I felt my father's disappointment I fought back by blaming him. He didn't understand me. I'd prove him wrong by rebelling against his bougie, WASP, stupid, oppressive vision for me. Serves him right!

Sorry, Dad. My darkness could not overcome your light. You lived well. Your name was never on a marquee. But you left your mark on me and the world. God speed, Dad. I've got the watch from here.

At the Darkest

So . . . what's next now that it's 2025? The grumpy old boomer schtick doesn't feel good any longer. Chasing the seven deadly sins as a bucket list used to be a joy. Now it hurts.

What's next is to level up. Each of these cycles where things get bleak and then I com through ok present and opportunity to level up. My Camry was totaled in a wreck and its replacement is a Mazda CX90. I'm helping a friend launch a publishing company. That work could lead to an executive position at his company.

You, customer, can join me in building wellness and strength. Yes, that does mean "buy my merch". Crass, maybe. But creatives have to eat too. You can help by spending money here.

I wish you well, reader. Let's make 2025 the Year of the Dragon where we fully commit to making it the year we take the next step to strength and serenity.